Friday, May 11, 2007

What's Your Poison, Lindsay Lohan?

With Lindsay Lohan partying again and Georgia Rule surfacing (the movie on which she was famously reprimanded for her unprofessional behavior, i.e. too much partying / not enough acting) I thought it was time to look at the liquid evidence in Lindsay's movies. Does she drink? Does she drive others to drink? Let's take a brief illustrated journey through the filmic evidence...

The Parent Trap
Nine whole years ago in Lindsay's very first movie, director Nancy Meyers underscores one of Linds' first scenes with "Bad to the Bone" --I'm not making this up. In the scene Lindsay plays a sneaky game of cards at summer camp and the music is used for comic effect...though maybe Ms. Meyers was trying to tell us something. Turns out back home in California, miss thing's dad owns a winery.

Uh oh... I regret to inform that cute young Linds spends that entire movie surrounded by alcohol! This can't be good. In the still above she downs her morning mimosa. No, I kid's orange juice. I realize it's a terrible thing to joke about... but the movie DOES joke about it. Check out this scene below. Her mom has given her a glass of wine. She comically passes out after one sip, staggering back up to her feet asking to be excused

It's actually but a sneaky ploy to leave the dinner table. And thats all the drinking that she does in The Parent Trap aside from one water bottle at camp, a sip of that orange juice. (For solids: one single bite of toast in the whole film) The bulk of the drinking is from the adults around her.

Here Lindsay reacts to screen mom Natasha Richardson who has definitely had one too many.

I'm not saying Lindsay rehearsed this scene with Dina Lohan ... but I'm not saying she didn't either.

Freaky Friday
La Lohan's second film was also a surprisingly good remake of an earlier hit. In this movie she switches bodies with an award-worthy Jamie Lee Curtis as her mom. Lindsay has even less of an appetite in this one. The only solid she consumes in the whole movie is a fortune cookie (the magical one that makes mom & daughter switch bodies --don't you hate when that happens?)

...oh and a few french fries, too. But it's really Jamie Lee Curtis eating the french fries since they've already switched places. Otherwise Lohan is not hungry for this whole movie. In detention troublemaker Linds gives up her sandwich and powerade to the supervising teacher. For liquids, she stays hydrated only with water at the House of Chiang (that's all they serve apparently --even to toast with!) and Lindsay never looks particularly happy about it.

'I really don't understand why this restaurant serves only water and fortune cookies.
They're ruining my life!

Other Films
I'm skipping Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen because life is short. But know this: She spends the entire film trying to meet her idol, a rocker named Stu from her favorite band. He turns out to be a crushing disappointment: a big lush! Lindsay helps him sober up in time for the happily ever after finale. Clearly it's a fantasy film.

I love A Prairie Home Companion but there's not much to her role there aside from writing bad poetry and singing nervously. I haven't seen Bobby. I know you wanted a grand finale where I dissect her partying habits in Herbie Fully Loaded but I think the title covers it, don't you? In Just My Luck --couldn't sit through that again, not that much of a masochist -- she does in fact throw a wild party that gets her into mucho trouble. Art imitating life?

We'll conclude with Lindsay's best film, and the one most responsible for the goodwill that she hangs to now by a precarious thread...

Mean Girls
I thought about investigating all 97 minutes of Lindsay's best film for clues to her real/reel behavior but this one's easy...

A (moving) picture is worth a thousand words.
tags: Lindsay Lohan


Neel Mehta said...

I've seen Georgia Rule. Lohan's character is around food -- a lot -- but you never see her eating. Most of the drinking is confined to (the) Felicity Huffman (character).

Kamila said...

I adore Lindsay Lohan. I think she is a very talented actress and I love the fact that she is taking chances and signing up to do challenging films.

Lucas Dantas said...

loool... this was awesome. all that's been going on with her lately is sad but uhg i couldn't help laughing when i saw those ny pics from her "friend". i hope though she gets over it and starts working decently again. i'm excited about georgia rule... but let's face it, more cuz of fonda than lohan.

Marius said...

It's Lindsay Lohan week? Oh, um, uh . . . whatever.


don't worry --- it's almost over!

J.D. said...

Awwwwww. I'm sad now. I made a Lindsay post because I love her too much, and I know it. GET SOME HELP PLEASE!!!!

Glenn Dunks said...

You know, "You're ruining my life!" was pretty much the best line reading my anyone that year. That includes Uma and Johnny and anyone else.

Scott said...

Nat, that was a totally fetch analysis.

Now to scour her music lyrics...

Anonymous said...

This blog is absolutely ridiculous. I mean who gives. Don't people have better things to do than obsessing over a little girl celebrity?

J.D. said...

Jackie, I think you're missing the point. She's a good actress, but no one likes remembering that with all that is wronbg with her life. GET HELP!!!!!!!!

Scott said...

Jackie's comment is all the more hilarious for apparently reducing the entire blog to "obsessing over celebrity".

Oops. May none of us ever watch a movie again.


Jackie ---
"this blog is absolutely ridiculous"

thank you. I do try.

love, Nathaniel

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