Friday, May 15, 2009

Nailing Channing Tatum

Today's Must Read: Joe Reid spits out a brilliant piece on the simple-minded Channing Tatum vehicle Fighting over at Low Resolution. His thesis:
Fighting is a movie about hardcore gay sex. With mentally retarded people.
Heh. So wrong and true. I started using this trailer screencap to your top left as my desktop background (I switch it up bi-weekly) primarily because I enjoy the, um, ideas that come up when I look at it. Shut up! I can't help myself when it comes to the Tatum. I seriously can't.

Speaking of Tatum. Next up is a small bit in Public Enemies and after that, in his third of three '09 films, comes the role of "Duke" in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. The G.I. Joe trailer is stoopid with bad CGI but normally I'd have to see it anyway on account of my helplessness in the face of the face of...

But, lo, a silver lining. Since everyone in G.I. Joe seems mummified by their costuming to the point of unrecognizable, and even the marketing suggests we shouldn't care who is inside each costume*, maybe this is my way out? Surely if I can't tell that it's The Tatum inside the rubber costumes (what are those costumes made out of anyway?), I can purge my self-destructive desire to see every frame of him his movies.

Anyway, read Joe's post. In fact, read it over and over again until 105 minutes have passed. I guarantee you'll have more fun than you will at the movie itself. The only enjoyable actualmoviething you'll miss out on is Altagracia Guzman's bossy Latino grandma act but you can see her do that with greater detail, comedy and pathos in Raising Victor Vargas which is 2,069 times better than Fighting anyway.

Altagracia Guzman gives Tatum her best right hook at the premiere of Fighting

I've been urging people to see Raising Victor Vargas for years now. People still give me blank looks when I mention it. Will no one listen? Rent it.

*Question: Why hire name actors who are expensive when you're just going to bury them in CGI, body suits, and masks?


Wayne B. said...

Raising Victor Vargas is awesome! Its so sweet and realistic in the way it depicts family and early romances. Saw it based on Nathaniel's positive review; the movie is totally worth a rental.
Who knew Melonie Diaz would become the breakout?

abstew said...

i have a friend who claims to have gone to junior high with channing. yet, he won't tell me what happened in the locker rooms of gym class. which leads me to believe its all a lie. i would be telling everyone and their mom if i was half naked in the same room as him.
also, in my circle of friends we call mr. tatum...wait for it... JAM ANGEL. we were watching STEP UP (don't ask) and my friend asked who the actor was.
channing tatum, i said.
did you just say, jam angel?
no, but that's a much better name.
and it stuck.
tell me JAM ANGEL isn't a better name. channing tatum sounds like the love child of a kooky broadway diva and the world's youngest oscar winner. JAM ANGEL has strength and charisma...and also kinda sounds like a gay porn name. which is exactly the type of work i'm dreaming of seeing him in.

Katey said...

I'm pretty sure I wrote in my notes during Fighting "there's a gay porn in here somewhere." Someday.... someday...

DH said...

Wow. I was told to watch Raising Victor Vargas by a friend. It was awesome but I can see where it would be hard for it really catch on.

Jesue V // FILM MUSIC ART blog said...

Answer to question: Because big name actors are like advertising. They get people to buy the tickets, and in the theatres. Regardless of whether or not they're going to be buried in CGI and masks. Just like voice acting for animation films.

Andrew K. said...

In answer to your question Nathaniel... it's a bit like buying expensive underwear. You know that many people will not see it, but you know you walk just a little bit more confidently with them. I'm sure any movie that know they have Channing or any other good looking actor/actress will have a high amount of swagger. They can boast to the other DVD rentals. Look who's in my movie!

NoNo said...

Aww Nat! U cut out my friend who was in the movie from the pic! She's right next to Channing in the purple!


NoNo... was that the girlfriend in the movie? the movie is about gay sex, remember. She was decoy.

sorry! ;)

that said she was pretty good in the movie so I apologize. i'm always cropping and changing photos. i'm very OCD.

NoNo said...

LOL she was a girlfriend but didn't play Channing's girlfriend (Kino's girl). If she's the one your talking about I glad she did well. She's also in Precious! She plays Consuelo the racist girl.

Benjamin said...

I honestly think Raising Victor Vargas was one of the best, if not the best independent movie that came out the year of its release! Its absolute perfection in my eyes.


Benjamin. Yay... another fan. That's why it made my Best Picture list that year.